By Leslie Hyde
As I watch the world I thought I knew seemingly crumble, I am beginning to question my response to what is unfolding before my eyes. I have been frightened, heartbroken, angry, frustrated and completely baffled. I have cried with friends as I conduct long distance burials, I have railed at family members who claim "Fake News,” I have prayed with front line nurses who are overwhelmed, I have raged at leadership that seems callous and uninformed…and most recently I have begun to comprehend the depth of racial inequity inherent in the fabric of our society.
2020: the year we see with perfect vision. It is incredibly hard work to hold the magnitude of all that is broken. It feels, to me anyway, that this clarity of vision is one of the gifts we have been offered, if we have the strength and courage to accept it. And, many times, I don't. I look away, point fingers and play victim. And it just makes me miserable.
As a chaplain, I know I can't fix things, but I can meet people where they are. But I don't really do that for myself. So I thought I'd start with what I know to be true for me. I have a deep and powerful yearning to be connected to the Divine. With that as my guide, I have listened for some cosmic truth. And I came to surprising and sacred territory: I. Don't. Know. What a place of freedom—and humility—and deep vulnerable honesty.
“I Don't Know” means:I don't have to have the answers.I am willing to admit I was wrong.I can engage the opinions of others without an agenda.I don't have to justify myself—or convince you.I can release the expectations I didn't even know I had.I can talk less and listen more.
And best of all, with an open heart I can listen for the truth. I know I'll recognize it because, in its presence, my soul stirs and my heart beats a bit faster.
Leslie worked in business publishing in Boston, London, and New York. In 1988, after the birth of her daughter, she moved to Portland and became a Guardian Ad Litem for 10 years. She served as a mentor at Long Creek Youth Development Center. She was elected a member of the Yarmouth Town Council and was president of the non-profit, Yarmouth Cares About Neighbors, for many years. She was ordained an interfaith chaplain by ChIME 2015. She is currently the chaplain for the Yarmouth Police Department.
Photo of path in fog by Martino Pietropoli
