By Helen G. Rousseau,
I know what it’s liketo feel your life doesn’t matter.So long ago, but I remember.Warts on handsI hid under the deskwhen the nun came by.
A friend’s mother,looking at my dirty kid self,assessing if she wantsher daughter to play withthis scruffy girlwho knows that look.
Roller skating with a friendwho comments on the bugscrawling on my neck.I run home to whereanother round of foul-smellingliquid gets poured on my hair.
Neglect was what I knewas a child. Teeth covered with tartar,my hand would hide my smile.For years, my outward appearancehumbled me. I feared someonewould discover the truth.
However,
I never, ever, was pulledover because I was white.My car was never searchedfor drugs. My home neverbroken into, a gunpointed at my head.
I have received kindnessand deference because I was a nun.Officers have smiled, given mewarnings because of my white hair.My skin color never put fearinto a shop clerk.
My presence never madeanyone step aside,wondering if I would hurt them.Though I wasn’t aware of it,I walked with white privilege,expecting proper behaviortoward me at all times.
I have prided myselfin not taking life for granted,always grateful for what I have.I never realized, until now,the protections that mywhite skin provides me.
Helen is an ordained Interfaith Minister. She was a Catholic nun for thirty years and spirituality has always been central to her life. At present, she sees her ministry as writing and leading writing groups, which she has done for twelve years.
Her latest book of poetry is entitled Poems for a World on Fire: Meditations on Hope, from which this poem was taken. Its focus is on all the major issues of our day including global warming, migrations, and COVID-19. These poems give voice to the earth, its peoples, animals, trees, seas, land, and all that makes this planet uniquely our home. Her work is infused with an underpinning of hope and a trust in life. She reads a poem every week on Facebook. To contact Helen or order a book, go to www.helenrousseau.com
Poems for a World on Fire cover illustration and design by Lindy Gifford.
